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Failure, Week 4
Sunday, January 29, 2012 11:23 AM

 So this week I decided to try the Beach Body Fat Burning Express (FBE) Diet and Exercise routine and failed miserably. 

FBE is pretty simple, it’s a low calorie no carb diet plan that you follow for six days while you complete the FBE Aerobics routine.  The aerobics were tough, a lot of lower body and core work, with squats, lunges, and yoga. It was tough but doable. 

The failure came on the part of the diet.  I was consuming practically 0 carbs and only about 800 to 900 calories a day.  I stuck to this for two days and then my body said “I’ve had enough” and crapped out on me.  I suppose I broke the first rule of Exercise Club, I talked about Exercise Club. Oh wait, I mean I didn’t talk to my physician before starting the diet.  I think I just went too low on the food.  I was worn out and sick physically and didn’t work out for two days and missed a day of work.  I was broken mentally, I was being told by my body I needed to eat and at first I tried making good decisions, a piece of chicken, some string cheese, but then all hell broke loose.  I was physically and mentally exhausted and didn’t want to get out of bed so I ordered food and gorged. I ate burgers, pizza, and wings and washed it all down with 72 oz of cola. That’s over half a gallon of soda. I had failed and it was an Epic Fail.

This was only mid-week so I made some decisions. I was disgusted with myself for failing so dramatically, but instead of turning around and going to more food for comfort, I looked at what had happened and decided to go back to the diet I had been following previously. 

Unfortunately the rest of the week didn’t go well either.  My daughter ended up with the flu.  This provided some long nights and skipped workouts.  Once my daughter was able to stomach some food again, no one really felt like cooking so it also resulted in a trip to a fast food establishment.  Truth be told, I didn’t pick the best of meal options then either.

So here I am, getting back on task and still moving towards my goal. I haven’t had a cigarette for 2 weeks now.  I stop consuming caffeine by 7 pm.  I consume about 1200 calories on a good (sticking to the diet) day without feeling hungry.  My energy is up, my sleep is good.  I naturally wake up at about 5:30 am every day.  My life is getting better and I’m getting healthier.

The weigh-in and Fitness test.  I only lost .2 lbs this week, which is kind of depressing but it doesn’t mean I’ll quit, it just means I need to refocus.  Overall I’ve still lost over 10 lbs and that isn’t depressing so I have to look at the big picture.  My fat % dropped by 2% and my waist dropped 2 inches. Both of my arms grew by an in which isn’t bad either. 

Now for the fitness test, I still couldn’t do a pull-up and I did about half a pushup.  I was able to do 10 In & Outs, which could have been more but my knees where hurting, and I increased my curls by 4, which also could have been higher but I gave in at 11 instead of going to muscle failure.  I gained 2 inches on my leap and 3 seconds on my wall squat, so slight improvement in almost all areas.  The major differences I found where in my Heart Rate test, I had a lower heart rate after 1 min of Jumping Jacks than I did last time but it didn’t cool off as fast as before.  The main difference is I pushed myself a lot harder for this test, I’m surprised how difficult 1 min of jumping jacks had been last month. 

1/2/12 Weigh-in
Weight – 350.2 Lbs
Fat % - 44.4

Measurement Inches
Chest - 53
Waist - 54
Right Arm - 16.5
Left Arm - 16
Hips – 52.5
Right Thigh - 31
Left Thigh - 31

Fitness Test
Resting Heart Rate 62 bpm
Pullups 0
Pushups 0
In & Outs 4
Curls 7/Arm 30 lbs
Vertical Leap 12"
Toe Touch  -9.5"
Wall Squat 33 sec
Heart Rate Max 144 bpm
1 min 100 bpm
2 min 80 bpm
3 min 76 bpm
4 min 72 bpm

 

1/29/12 Weigh-in
Weight – 339.6 Lbs
Fat % - 42.2

Measurement Inches
Chest - 53
Waist - 52
Right Arm - 17.5
Left Arm - 17
Hips - 52
Right Thigh - 31
Left Thigh - 31

Fitness Test
Resting Heart Rate 64 bpm
Pullups 0
Pushups 0
In & Outs 10
Curls 11/Arm 30 lbs
Vertical Leap 14"
Toe Touch  -9.5"
Wall Squat 36 sec
Heart Rate Max 138 bpm
1 min 112 bpm
2 min 100 bpm
3 min 98 bpm
4 min 92 bpm

 





Fitness Goals, Week 3
Sunday, January 22, 2012 11:42 AM

While I've been researching and learning new tips and tricks for weight loss and fitness, I've come across a number fitness tracking websites, gadgets and challenges.  So I've decided to review these websites and gadgets, and accept the challenges.  

The challenges:

I came across a number of challenges this week, C25K (Couch to 5k), 7 weeks to 100 Pushups, 7 weeks to 50 Pull-ups, and 7 weeks to 300 situps. I plan on completing each of these challenges later this year, but only after I have completed the first 90 days of Power 90.  I've been close to completion of a 5k on my elliptical all week as I have been running about 2.75 miles every other day and only had .35 miles left to go to complete the 5k which I did today.  Then this spring after Power90 I'll start running outside and build myself up for the higher impact of street running and complete a 5k there. This 5k I'll track on a Fitbit (see Gadgets) or a distance/Location app on my droid. All of the 7 week challenges can be found on 7weekstofitness.com and C25K can be found on c25k.com.

The Websites:

I will do a one or two week trial on each and cover different topics like; calorie/nutrition, workout and weightloss tracking.  Iphone and Android availability.  Compatability with different Gadgets, Fitbit, Withings and Zeo. Pay or free. The websites on my list to test are; myfitnesspal.com (which I already use), Wowy.com (teambeachbody.com - this is Power90 and P90x website), Dailyburn.com, Runkeeper.com, Loseit.com

The Apps:

Many of the websites listed have apps for Android and Iphone, but both devices have stand alone apps as well like Digifit and Noom, which I will also look into as well.

The Gadgets:

The Fitbit health monitor, Withings wifi scale and Zeo sleep tracker are just three of the Gadgets I will look into and hopefully purchase and use.  Fitbit is know to count calories burned at all times, even just walking from the car to your desk or home.  It tracks distance and elevation, incase you decided it's better to take the stairs instead of the elevator. And it's also know for sleep tracking, something I'll have to try to see how it works for sure.  The Withings scale connects to your wifi for a straight upload of your weightloss progress. And the Zeo monitors or sleep patterns and paired with an alarm clock can wake you at the most appropriate times in your sleep cycle.  

And finally my week.  This week has been good, work has not been as strenuous and I completed a lot of tasks. I found that for me to build my dev box for my projects with slaughter I needed a SATA drive instead of the IDE I was planning on using, the good news I have that ordered along with some extra RAM.  I've really been concentrating on my 5k challenge on my Elliptical this week so instead of workouts everyday, they've been every other day, since my knees take a real beating and need the extra day for recovery. And I haven't done any workouts for the last two days in prep for my 5k today. This probably won't allow for any extreme weight loss but meeting this challenge is important to me and next week I'll be back into aerobics and weight lifting.

5k times - 1st mile 9:05
                - 2nd mile 18:22
                - completed 5k 30:05

This weeks weight loss - 3.2 lbs for a current weight of 339.8 lbs






Stuff gets Tough, Week 2
Monday, January 16, 2012 08:28 AM

"When the going gets tough then the tough get going."  Does that mean that the tough are lazy and just sitting around until things get tough then they show up and save the day? Or does it mean that when the going gets tough the tough pack up and leave town because they just don't want to deal with it anymore?

All I know is that a better phrase for me is "When things are at their worst, I am at my best."  This last week we have had some major problems stemming for issues that happened last week.  Again I smoked 5 cigarettes, I missed a number of workouts, and didn't watch my diet everyday.  Working until 2 in the morning and then getting up at 6 to go back in, makes fitting in workouts very difficult, and meals become tough to handle as well. Luckily we have a mini fridge in the office that I'm keeping stocked with yogurt and I have packets of instant oatmeal in my cupboard.  

Though I've had many obstacles this week to get in my way and knock me down, I keep getting back up.  I may have little to no weight loss this week, but that's okay, I won't give up, I won't quit, I'm determined to meet goals and I'm going to keep pushing forward.

My next decision is what to do after week 3. Week 3 will be the same as I have been doing, cardio with a small circuit set afterwards, with my same diet.  Week 4 I'm going to change it up and I'm trying to decide between 3 things.

1. Juicing - Doing a 10 day juice fast, nothing but Juice, but this also requires little exercise I could probably still do my cardio, but I couldn't do my weight lifting because I wouldn't be adding any protein to my diet to rebuild my muscles.  If I wanted to loose a lot of weight really fast I could extend this for 30 or even 60 days which would help me burn a lot of fat but it's expensive, fruit isn't really fresh this time of year and I really like doing the weight lifting. 

2. Fat Burning Express - this is a 6 day carb fast, with exercise.  This pretty much sticks to cardio for a week along with a specific diet with few carbs just to kick up my metabolism.  This is the start up routine before going into Power 90, which is what I'm planning on doing anyways, so I think this is the best bet.

3. Muscle Builder - this is a rich muclse building diet with some ciruit cardio and mostly straight weight lifing.  The theory is that having more muscle heightens your metabolism and causes you to burn more fat.  You gain weight first as you pack on muscle but the fat will start to burn away on it's own, it takes longer to achieve the fat loss but you can get strong quickly and let the fat take care of itself.  With this though I would need to move my workbench into the apartment or probably get a membership at a gym since I would be able to target all the muscle groups I would like with my equipment at home.

I think my plan is Week 4 - Fat Burning Express, Weeks 5 - 16 will be Power 90.  Then a 1 or 2 week Juice fast. because fresh fruits and veggies should be availabe by then.  Then either another 3 months of Power 90, or go P90x if I think I'm up for it.  I'll probably do P90x 1 or 2 times then after that I'll concentrate on bodybuilding, Work on the main muscle groups I want to enhance and define.

So option 2 is the plan and that will start Week 4.

This weeks weight loss - 1.0 lbs for a current weight of 343 lbs





Week 1
Sunday, January 08, 2012 09:39 AM

Week one of my year of self improvement is completed and it's been a tough week.

My plans to exercise and eat right and working on projects have been going okay, the tough part has really been issues at work causing me to put extra hours.  That has made it hard to finish my personal projects at home. Plus I think Issy is getting mad as I haven't been home for reading time Thursday and Friday nights. 

I did get a post into the story blog this week, it's not 3000 words but it is the outline to my Akion story. With this I should be able to go in and fill out sections that I feel inspired or motivated to work on.

I also did well on my working out and eating, I worked out everyday this week except for Friday, of which I spent many hours at work and just didn't have a chance to get a workout in.  I also broke down and had some coca cola, 3 cans in fact, which didn't throw me over my calorie limit but did push me over my carb's for the day.  I also broke down and smoked 4 cigarettes that day, bleh. But yesterday I got back on track with my eating, workouts and no smoking. Plus Issy and I shared reading time before bed again, which I'm really starting to enjoy with her and I can tell she likes it too. 

I have a few things I want to complete by Tuesday to be completely on track this week, if that happens I will be very happy but I'm definately not dissappointed by my progress this week.

Oh and this weeks weight loss - 6.2 lbs for a current weight of 344 lbs





Year of self improvement.
Tuesday, January 03, 2012 09:45 AM

2012 is my Self Improvement Year.

For both Novemember and December of last year I decided have self improvement months.  I improved my lifestyle, my wardrobe, my home and my quality of life.  Because of my personal success with reaching my goals each month I decided to take 2012 as a full self improvement year. 

And I'm not the only one, it's great to see a number of my friends and my wife choosing to quit smoking this year or choosing to get in better shape and be more active, devote more time to family.

As of now I have already failed a number of my resolutions. (Which in fact was my goal)

I haven't had a drink, a cigarette, or a soda since Jan 1.  I've run 3 miles over the last 2 days as well as completed 2 weight training circuts.  I'm aiming for a 5k a day.

Tomorrow night is my first Project meeting with Slaughter where we will start setting weekly goals and try to continue moving forward with project tasks. We will be meeting weekly to discuss our progress and set new goals and tasks throughout the year.   

I will also be trying to maintain a healthy diet and workout regiment and will be posting weekly weigh-ins and monthly measurements in my blog to track my progress.

I have also set a goal to write a book this year and I'm going to try and accomplish this in smaller steps by trying to post approximately 3000 words a week into the story blog. The pieces may not always be in order, I don't think books are necessarily written cover to cover anyways.  Plus I have a number of stories that I am writing so I may not work on the same one from week to week.

So these are my goals, the things I wish to achieve in two thousand and twelve, and for all my friends who have set even one resolution to improving their life this year, I wish them the best and may your fortitude and dedication be met with success.

Have a happy New Year.

1/2/12 Weigh-in
Weight - 350.2 Lbs
Fat % - 44.4

Measurement Inches
Chest - 53
Waist - 56
Right Arm - 16.5
Left Arm - 16
Hips - 52.5
Right Thigh - 31
Left Thigh - 31

Fitness Test
Resting Heart Rate 62 bpm
Pullups 0
Pushups 0
In & Outs 4
Curls 7/Arm 30 lbs
Vertical Leap 12"
Toe Touch  -9.5"
Wall Squat 33 sec
Heart Rate Max 144 bpm
1 min 100 bpm
2 min 80 bpm
3 min 76 bpm
4 min 72 bpm
 





New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011 04:22 PM

 As they say "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." 

The title of this post is a quote from Mark Twain, and it's true that many fail to keep their resolutions shortly after they make them.  In fact the only resolution I think I have ever kept was the one "I resolve to fail all my other resolutions." This year I think I will only make resolutions I know I can keep.

The Resolution List

I resolve to drink and smoke more.

I resolve to gain or maintain my current weight.

I resolve to drink more soda and eat more junk food.

I resolve to watch more television.

I resolve to play more video games.

I resolve to spend less time with my family.

I resolve to skip church.

I resolve to not build a new computer.

I resolve to not finish any of my projects.

I resolve to not write a book.

I resolve to not learn a new language.

I resolve to not pay off any of my bills.

I resolve to spend and not save any money.

And I resolve to decrease my productivity.

 

So in conclusion, if the road to hell is truly paved with good intentions, where do bad intentions lead.





Blog Reposts
Thursday, May 26, 2011 09:40 AM

 Just in case you are wondering, I've decided to look back on my previous blogs and repost some of my favorites, for your viewing pleasure. Also, now that comments are enabled I'd love to hear your thoughts.

-Prophet-





What The Fuck? . . . This Shit Just Pisses Me Off!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 11:00 AM

 

 
What The Fuck? Ambition . . . This Shit Just Pisses Me Off!

Why doesn't it pay to work hard anymore? Seriously it doesn't seem to matter if you give it your all or just try to slack through it. Damned if you do, Damned if you don't, everyday I'm treated like a fuck-up.

Ambition doesn't really piss me off, it really only gets stronger the more other shit pisses me off.
Things seem to be going pretty well for me lately, my grades are good in class, I just became the manager of my shift at my current place of employment and my bills are slowly diminishing. But, my boss has become an ass, I think he lost his stick, and in order to take my promotion I had to drop two of my college classes which are going to make me go to college for at least one more semester . . . and that Pisses Me Off!

So I've just become more ambitious. Reading Slaughters post about Goliath got me thinking . . . I need to start working on some of my goals. Slaughter and I need to start working on more of our goals and I need to become more active with CS and Buzzkill and I need to stay motivated. Goliath must go ONLINE! Okay I'm a little crazy right now.

Anyways to start my list of goals two servers are going to be built, my new home/webserver and Goliath. I think this can be reached by November at least my home server will be. With that SharDak and Digital Impacts will begin development as well as my personal Database and Chat project at this time labeled BuzzTalk.

I'll probably post a list of my Buzzkill/CS goals here later, unless Slaughter gets me set up with the projects site so I can just list that information there instead. We'll see what happens.

Guess what? I'm not so pissed off anymore.
 




What The Fuck? . . . This Shit Just Pisses Me Off!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 10:00 AM

 

 
Blogs! What The Fuck is with blogs?! Okay, this is a feelings rant, not something I just thought would be funny, I'm really pissed off at this one. I hate fuckers who feel sorry for themselves and want your pitty.
"I need to get my feelings out."
"I want people to know these secrets that I keep, If I just put them in a blog and they get read, then I'm not really telling."
Fuck you and your feelings. Does anybody really care? Does anybody need too? What I'm saying now is just a load of crap anyways.
It's just an opinion, I don't fucking care if you read this. Opinions are overrated.
I think I'm getting bored of my conscience. It's not that it's not there, I just feel ... it's overrated.
You're not my friend. I don't keep friends ... I'm starting to lose faith in the word ... people are tools.
Oh sorry, you were insulted by that? Fuckhead. Quit whining dumbass, stiffen up and get a real job.
Try hating for a living now that's quality work.
It's not hard to hate but it's easier being indifferent, now shut the fuck up!
It's not that I can't tell the difference between right and wrong, it's just that I don't care. Should I? These values and ethics are formed by society not me. What you see as taboo I may see as the product of enlightenment.
Freedom absolute freedom.
Your conscience is just a prison for you urges and darker desires.
Humanity doesn't count for shit.
So whine some more in your blog about your pathetic little lives.
You're shit, I'm shit, it's all shit.
Go home, seclude yourself from society by sitting at your computer and contemplate how pathetic your life is.
Have you thought about it good and hard? Good, now write in your blog about it, cuz we both know you're not going to do anything else to try and make it better and you are way too chicken shit to come over here and borrow my shotgun.
It's loaded and you are welcome to it, just don't make a mess with your brain matter... Oh wait! That's right... you're not comming are you.
Well then I'm off, I don't feel like wasting my time with fucking blogs anymore anyways. I think I'll go and live my life.

Your Shit just pisses me off!!!

P.S. Don't fucking comment on this, your opinion is shit to me and I doubt I'm going to check to see what you've written anyways.

 




What The Fuck? . . . This Shit Just Pisses Me Off!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 09:00 AM

 

 
What the fuck!? Coffee?

Okay I like coffee as well as the next guy, but what the hell is up with the cappuccino, lattes, fucking double grande mochaccinos. Frothy milk, chocolate, or whipped cream? Each of these are made from esspresso withb such ingredients added as those previously mentioned. Why, esspresso is supposed to be drank in a shot, like tequila it's supposed to have kick.

Then there are seperate flavored coffee's, ameretto roast, creamy hazelnut, almond cream, caramel, macadamia nut, chocolate swirl, cinnanut cream, french roast, french vanilla, irish cream, peppermint frost, raspberry and cream, pecan, swiss mocha and vanilla nut to name a few. What happened to coffee flavored coffee? Coffee it was made black it was brewed black, drink it fucking black. The strong black Columbian coffee picked by Juan Valdez in the cocain fields of South America.

Of course lets not forget the creamers. I can accept the occasional cream and sugar. Cream keeps your coffee hot, and sometimes you just need a taste of something sweet, but don't add the billion different creamer flavors.

If you're gonna add anything to your coffee besides cream and sugar, make it an Irish Coffee and I don't mean add Irish Cream, I mean add Irish fucking Wiskey.

God this shit just pisses me off!
 




This Shit Just Pisses Me Off ... What the Fuck!?
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 08:00 AM

 

 
What the fuck, why do people leave half empty pop cans in the door of the fridge. The ones that spill all over the place when you close the door. A pop can is designed to drink right away, that's why you can't close it again. They even developed the wide mouth spout for the simple reason of now you can drink it faster. If you want to save your fucking pop for later, buy it in a bottle. Besides by the time you get back to it, it's going to have an aluminium taste and have lost all of it's carbonation. At least most beer drinkers know what I'm talking about, if you are at a party and you put a beer can down half empty, by the time you pick it up again you've either got a glob of chew spit or a cigarette but inside. So if you're going to open a pop can, fucking finish it because "This Shit Just Pisses Me Off!"
 




In Response to "Ode to Facebook"
Wednesday, May 25, 2011 12:00 AM

Setting:  High School Gymnasium, a number of chairs are set around in a circle all facing each other with different people sitting in them.  In the corner is a fold out lunch table with coffee and cookies.

A man in the circle stands up.

"Hello, my name is Prophet and I am a Facebook addict."

Yes, yes Facebook the Ultimate time sink, beware the applets, quizes and sexual predetors.

When I updated my IM status to "All my friends need facebook, ALL OF THEM!"  Slaughter asked me, "What's in it for me?"  I told him an easy way to connect to others send status updates and I can advertise SlaughterStock on there.  Then I told him I really only wanted people to join so I had more friends on MafiaWars and I told him, don't do it, it sucks up all your time and it's very addicting.

Well, it didn't work, Slaughter still joined facebook, which I think is spectacular, but at this time I will give some of the things I have found that help me not be a facebook junkie.
 

1. Don't play all the games, I'm a fan of Mafia Wars and Street Racing, I play some of the others once in awhile, but I don't really care about them.

2. Restrain yourself to visiting facebook only twice a day.  Do not get facebook moble or else it's with you all the time.

3. Create a To Do List, mine helps me stay focused on what I need to finish before school is over.

4. Finally, if you need to find a support group, it's called Internet Addiction and there are places to get help.

BTW here's my test site for GooseRiverBank

P. S. Slaughter, be happy I haven't introduced you to Fantastic Contraption





Walk don't Run
Tuesday, May 24, 2011 10:30 AM

 

 
Okay, first here is a little quiz the answers will be posted down below, you only need to do this if you want to, your answers are yours and your's alone unless you choose to share them.

Alright there are five things you need to do, the water is running and you need to turn it off, the baby is crying and you need to go pick it up, someone is knocking at the door and you need to let them in, the phone is ringing and you need to answer it, and you need to get the laundry off the line as it has started to rain. In what order do you do these five things? You need no extra information just make a decision and stick with it.

So after recent events in my life over this last winter and spring I have decided that I am trying to live my life too fast. I originally moved here to Finley to catch up on some debts I had accumulated over the time I was living in Fargo and had knocked them down to about $3,000. I even bought my mother a $1,300 computer for christmas, since at that time I could afford it.

This was great at the end of the summer I was going to move in with some friends give myself a little bit of freedom from my parents and by August I was going to quit my job, assuming I was debt free, to concentrate on my school work. This plan was great, I was working really hard to get good grades, taking on quite a load but not missing a day of school and keeping up with my studies while still paying off more of my debt. Things were looking pretty good, I'd be done with school in a year, I'd move back to Fargo and Slaughter and I could really devote ourselves to this web business.

I'd been planning to move back to Fargo for some time now. Planning to work on the Web business and get things off the ground. I'd be around my friends and be able to "really enjoy life." Well before the end of February I rolled my pickup, ironically it was heading to school, because I was so determined not to miss a day. Well that caused me to miss several, so many that I couldn't catch up. I had to drop a class and I failed another one all together.

The rolling of my truck also caused me to, well buy a new vehicle. That put me back up to $9,000 in debt not counting the $1,000 I still owed Dell plus the $1,000 I owe bowflex for a weight bench I had also ordered before this all happened. I'm planning a trip to the Cities this summer which will put me out $600 and I owe the gas company $100 for the gas I charged this month. Of course once the summer is over that bill won't get as high.

So my basic payment plans this summer is $250 for my loan, $100 to Dell $100 to Bowflex, $100 to my credit card until it is payed off, $200 for rent, $200 for my insurance, and $100 for gas each month if I spend that much. It is honestly better than the $160 I was spending every 2 weeks on my truck.

Lastly if you have read Slaughters recent post you will see that his father has passed on, I great man who was very close to my heart. When attending his service I learned of how much he had truly accomplished in his life. And he never seemed to rush it. Slow and steady and his hard work payed off in time. He enjoyed life and didn't feel that money or status what ever more important than friends and family. My group of friends where considered adopted children as he was often known as "Dad" to many of us.

And that's why I say "Walk don't Run."

The questions from earlier here is what they mean and typically shows what order you see things as most important:

1. Water: Money
2. Baby: Family
3. Door: Friends
4. Phone: Job or Goals
5. Laundry: Sex

My original order was Shut off the Water, pickup the phone, while I go get the baby, answer the door (give the baby to the person at the door) then go get the laundry. I couldn't understand why I would put money and goals befor friends and family, but I realized that in this I was trying to do things as fast as possible. This perfectly described me, Water I was try to pay my bills as fast as possible, caused me to work to much (Phone) plus I was trying to get my schooling done as soon as possible (also Phone), then came my family and friends, and with every thing else going on who has time for sex?

Well I decided after my new debts, failed classes and recent passing away of close friends, that it's going to take me alot longer to get to where I really wanted to go until it made sense that where I was is where I really needed to be. I need to slow down, I'm in such a hurry to get somewhere that I don't know where I'm going. I realize that yes, life is short, but it's just long enough to be happy. I've finally started to smell the roses and its so comforting.

This is definately one of the lowest points in my life thus far but it has really opened my eyes. It's only when we've lost everything are we free to do anything, when you've hit rock bottom are you finally able to see how high you can climb.

So forget about the water, and when the phone rings let the machine get it. Life's a journey not a destination, so "Walk don't Run."
 




April fools what the FUCK!
Monday, May 23, 2011 10:30 AM

 

 
Okay I understand April fools day, a day to have fun prank around with freinds and have some laughs but don't some people take it a little to far?

Examples:

Garage Sale -Before april fools day put an add in the paper for a "Garage sale" at your targets address. Make sure you state "early birds welcome" and include thier phone number. Then on the day of the sale when your target gets up and leaves their home, they will be surrounded by a number of super saver shoppers looking for the good. Some of them can get awful mad, being duped themselves.

The Missed Flight - If you know someone is going on a trip with friends and they are taking a flight, get a professional sounding friend (to act as a representative for the airline) and call this person up tell them that they and only they are going to be pushed back and have to wait for another flight. Normally they will get very upset having to fly alone without thier companions. They will complain get irate hopefully scream, once they have gotten to that point of anger, your "airline representative" can transefer her call to her supervisor, which is you, they probably won't even recognize your voice being so upset, do as you wish until you feel they've had enough. And if you want to be really mean and not let them in on the joke, tell them their new tickets will be waiting at the airport, they show up a day late and no new tickets await them, they just missed thier flight and have to buy a new ticket.

Evil Examples - now these are fun but mean and somewhat dangerous so prankster beware.

Powdered Milk - If there is someone you don't like sprinkle powdered milk into their bed and crank up the heat, as they sleep they will sweat and and the milk will suck into their pours and curdle, even a shower won't get it out and they'll stink like rotten milk for days.

The Jalepeno Tampon - this has to be timed right otherwise it's just to get back at someone. Get a suringe and your "targets" box of tampons take one out of the bottom and stick the suringe full of jalepeno juice into the tampon and empty, (do not remove the tampon from it's aplicator is will expand an render the prank useless), then let dry. Put the tampon back into the bottom of the box and when it get's used and, well, wet she burn will commence.

The Hornet Trap - Again for someone you don't like pick up a hornet trap remove the attractor, there is usually some fluid or gell like substance in the trap to attrack the hornets. Soak a cloth in this or put it directly under someones front door. The cloth will make it last longer but they have an easier time to find it. Remeber this can be deadly.

Big Gag's - get a bunch of them at once.

Get Married - invite friends, have a cerimony and a reception, but make sure it's a fake priest and at the end of the night drop the ball.

Get Dead - put your picture in the Obituaries especially if you know your friends read them, if not get someone to start the rumor around about your passing. It's not dagerous for the person but it might be for you when they find out.

The Elaborate

Well I'm not actually sure how this was supposed to turn out I only saw the clipping. But an add in the classified of the New York Times had "Seeking a dirigible and 30 Chinamen for an elaborate practical joke" wish I could have see how that one turned out.

Now where would I get 30 chinamen, I'm haveing enough trouble finding 2.
 




Trying to finish a Feburary post ... This will have to do.
Sunday, May 22, 2011 09:51 PM

 

 
So an idea was brought to me on cheap labor and easy money. Gren, Karnir and I are planning to import about six chinamen, two for the each of us. To replace us in our day to day work activities.

The plan, they will replace us at work while we take the time to do normal activities, such as test new products (video games), hold brainstorming sessions and creative writing seminars (play DnD), work on our new "Balance and Agility the New You" body shaping plan (skateboarding and sword fighting), and scout out for new talent (go to local venues and catch shows).

Here's how it works, we will ship in 6 chinamen, set them up in an apartment that's no more than $240 a month, the lower the better you will end up with more net profit. These china men will replace us at our normal jobs, perhaps you may want to search for another one, heck you'd have 2 chinamen for yourself, and pay them $8 a day for their labor. Heck they should love that, the average annual income of a Chinese worker is about $1500. $8 a day for an average working year of 260 days, now this is not excluding holidays. This rounds out to about $2080 a year.

Now it helps if you go in on this with a business partner, the more chinamen you can fit into an apartment the better, we're figuring 6 to a $200 1 room apartment. Now we will subtract $2 a day for their rental fee's $2 x 5 days x 6 men = $60 a week, for four weeks = $240 a month, great for a nice apartment. Plus if you can find one for cheaper you save that much more money.

Okay so here is the real math and the basics on how much money you can come away with. Say you have 2 full time jobs paying minimum wage, about $5.15 currently. $5.15 x 40hrs a week x 52 weeks a year = approx. $10,712 a year x 2 for your second job = $21,424 total gross income. For a Chinaman at $8 a day - $2 for boarding = $1560 still more than there previous average x 2 for both chinamen = $3120. Plus their boarding costs, let's say $180 a month split 3 ways for every 2 chinamen, means you are only paying $60 a month, $720 a year. Heck I paid that much a month for an apartment once, and they'll be happy, it beats the shack they were living in back home. So $3120 + $720 = $3840, $21,424 - $3840 = $17584 Gross profit that goes in your pocket.

Now if you really want to keep them around for awhile instead of simply buying new one's every time one of the others dies off. To prevent this you may need to feed your chinamen but this doesn't end up two expensive either, the answer, Ramen Noodles, heck it's what they eat anyways. Well a 24 pack case cost's about $11, now this can stretch your 2 chinamen about 1 week, 12 days if your stingy. $11 x 52 weeks = $572 a year, subtract this from your previous Gross and you still walk away with $17,012 and hey that ain't bad.

The problem now is obtaining and shipping the chinamen and I'm hoping that I can get a bunch of you on board with this cuz I figure if we buy in bulk they may combine shipping. Unfortunately Google does not provide any information on the cost of purchasing or shipping of chinamen, so I'll have to make some calls.

If you're interested let me know.
 




Finding your stick!
Saturday, May 21, 2011 07:37 AM

 

 
The proverbial stick, often lost, often searched for but I can tell you exactly where it is.

You see every one carries a stick, not all of us know it but we all have one. Some people know where it is all the time, some people lose theirs and some people go in search of theirs. We all lose are stick now and again it's in human nature, we can't help it. I'm not proud to say I've lost mine before, but it happens and I deal with it. I don't know if I've ever gone in search of it, though I do believe it has mostly returned on it's own.

Some members of society and lost thier stick and never bothered to search for it, and a few who have lost it are still looking for it to this day. I feel many previous coworkers and employers of mine have been looking for their stick for awhile.

So the next time a shit head really pisses you off, think to yourself "To be a shithead, you need your head up your ass, so he might as well search for his stick while he's up there." And always keep note on where your stick might be.
 




"Nice shoes..."
Friday, May 20, 2011 11:21 AM

 

 
The proper and improper ways to start a conversation. I find that many people have trouble with this, be it among friends, family, associates, or that person at the end of the bar that you just want to meet.

Open ended questions, if you have not heard of open ended questions it's most likely you do not watch much Law & Order. Don't worry neither do I but these questions are often used when interviewing applicants. An open ended quesition is a question where the answerer is allowed to explain a situation, draw thier own conclusions, and allows flexibility in the answer. A closed ended question does not, yes or no, black or white, you choose one but to not elaborate.

Beware starting a convesation with an open ended question, this can often lead to the result of someone misjudging you and getting the wrong impression. Example; a friend of mine once came up to me and said, "Do you know what I did in the shower today?" and a girlfriend once said, "Do you know what I like to do with the shampoo bottles in the bathtub?" Both of these opened questions allow me to think these people are perverts.

Also beware talking about the bathroom when starting a conversation. The bathroom is a dark place where things that should often be unmetioned happen there. Starting a conversation with a friend or a stranger can really scare them away if you start talking too much about what you do in the bathroom.

Now some conversation starts are not questions of any sort but a straight out statement to get people interested. It's quick to the point , leaves alot to be explained and grabs you listener by the horns. Example; these are all personal conversation startes of mine, "So I was riding my motorcycle through a corn field with a fishing pole." Direct to the point and setup for a great story, really grabs the listener. Or "So I was hanging from a 3rd floor balcony trying to grab my cigarette." again a true statement of mine. People wonder, why is he there, what was he doing, and what happened to him. Another one of my favorites I like to use is "We were cutting rotten potatoes in the backyard with ninja swords." People who don't know me find this quite intriguing, my friends just laugh and say "Did you hurt yourself?"

Granted those were all powerful conversation starters, I may not sound so intelligent at the end of the conversation but at least I opened well. There are some ways to start a story that are wrong, so very wrong, again they lead to the wrong conclusions well before the story is explained. Example, "So I was beating up this homeless guy." What the hell, why the hell would you be beating up a homeless guy. I would have thought I had walked into the conversation at the wrong time, but no this was how the conversation was started. Another "So (friends name deleted) and I were burying a body in the garden." Ah!? why are you burying a body. Oh My God! Do I run or will he kill me. It's amazing how quickly those thoughts can move through your head. Both situations corrected themselves as the conversation progressed.

Now trying to start a conversation with that someone you are interested in. Now this is a big one, and you may not believe this, but it works 90% of the time. "Hello, I'm ..."

Of course you could alway be daring and hope you don't get slapped with my favorite and the ever popular. "Nice shoes..."


 




The Effects of Sleep Deprevation
Thursday, May 19, 2011 11:35 PM

 

 
I have realized over the recent weeks that my decision making and concentration have really been lacking due to my lack of sleep. I also realize I start to ramble aimlessly and come up with some of the strangest conversations. Of course I also seem to send many more death threats to my friends as well as contemplating the many ways of TAKING OVER THE WORLD... Oh sorry I got lost there for a moment. Ehem.

So today and today only for your viewing pleasure I have and email I sent to Slaughter some time ago as a result of Sleep deprevation. Enjoy.

Sent: Saturday, May 04, 2002 2:32 AM
Subject: sql is fun, but dammit I need access!!

So while dogs naw at my loins, it's 2:25 in the morning and I've been programming for four hours, I think SQL is fun but I need stuff to create database, and I'm Pxycho, I think that word looks better with and "x", anyways I've lost my mind and seem to be rambling but I don't care need sleep and cannot get away from computer, why have you forsaken me, q tips keep falling on my head, and I can't live forever, so I'm ghosting into a new palace, where life in general is a farse lived my no mortal man. If I can only get to my home base, I'll be safe, three strikes, and my time is up so I'll talk to you later. When the dawn of a new age arises, and we pass beyond the golden borders of hell everything with be just as is was in this false hood of reality that we all hold, and I'm not sure what I've typed sofar cuz, everything I type leaves my head the second I touch the glistening embers of my soul. Catch you on the flip side of the coin that's heads nor tails, but armpits will forever be stinky, and life will never be pleasant, why does this insomnia not leave my humble abode, and why must I take the course the long journey that crosses the path of such futile resistance, knowing that I'll beat them down, with raging pony's and thistled whiners. A prick is nothing compared to the pain I've felt running throught the agonizing jungles of hate and dispair, I think I'm almost done now, for being quite done may never happen with the life I lead. My fingers hurt the scouring heat of, OH tired, breath in breath out, sleep, need sleep, must stop, bed comes to me in my dreams and I accept it with open arms. BYeByEnow, nowusespacingmywordsjusttocomplicated.

Prophet
 




Needs vs. Wants
Wednesday, May 18, 2011 10:56 PM

 

 
How many people out there are exceptionally good at spending money. I believe I am one of the best, if you don't believe me, lend me a hundred bucks and I'll prove it to you.

So I was in this conversation where I told a friend that I needed to buy a $200 bottle of Scotch before my 26th birthday. She thought this was outragous, she can find no reason why someone would spend $200 on a single bottle of alcohol and says that there are so many better things to spend $2o0 dollars on. Then she goes on to ask me if I really NEED this, need being the key term here. She tells me that I have my Needs and Wants confused, that I actually want to buy a $200 bottle of Scotch, but I don't need to buy one.

I quickly corrected her by telling her that I want to drink a Scotch that was as old as I was, 25 yrs, and that a 25yr old bottle of Scotch costs around $200. If I could get a 25yr Scotch for $20 I'd be happy to buy it but to buy a 25 yr old Scotch I need to spend $200.

The moral to this story, don't try to correct me on my need and wants, because I know what I need and I know what I want. And if you tell me that what I need is really just something I want , I'll find a twistedly logical way of explaining my needs.

Now what I need is to have another Scotch...
 




7 Degrees of Separation
Tuesday, May 17, 2011 08:08 AM

 

 

It is said that everyone in the world is only separated by 7 Degrees. I found that this could be quite true. I recently attended a Gwar concert and found out one of my friends knew the band. Which from my standpoint puts them 2 degrees away from myself. Also which, from watching much Viva la Bam, the band knows Bam Margera, who is a the inspiration for myself and the NDC. Thus I state myself as only 3 degrees away from Bam.

Now in my opinion this is how the world works. It's not what you know, it's who you know and what you know how to find. I have a number of friends who are great at networking. Not the computer kind, but the social kind. These friends know some important people who know some very important people, and why, because they like to party. Take my friend Grr, noone finds a cupcake quite like Grr, I asked him to find someone and within 2 days he found the City this person lived in, within a week, where he worked and his scheadule. Networking, it comes in very handy.

I also realized recently how dangerous I could be. I myself have a large network of friends, and even though I am not dangerous by myself I noticed that with the people I know, I can acomplish almost anything. I am just a simple programmer, I could write some malicious code, but nothing too spectacular. I can't hack a credit card company, or a sabre airline booking system, but I'm sure I know someone who can. Vehicle modifications, or so called "Pimping" I have a couple of fabricating friends. I have muscle and intimidation, and music and philosophy, and friends in the movie industry. I really could have it made if I decided to work at it.

But that's the problem, if eveyone is so close why don't we make these connections, some are born with the natural ability to network. I think I could do well if I didn't need the time to get to know these people, also being stuck out in the middle of hick country really doesn't provide me with many conections besides the gun toting, beer drinking, mulisha types. But hey on the bright side, they know all the best places to hide the bodies.