I know a couple of you have been looking forward to the new version of TTORP.  This post is meant to clear up the current status of it, along with an explanation of why it is taking so long (other than the fact that there is only one developer, me).

The original version was very simple initially, with the sole capability of storing character sheet data.  It had virtually no automatic calculations, very few database integrity checks, and generally very litle foresight.  As time went on and I added things like AJAX updates and some automatic calculations, it became painfully apparent that the system just wouldn't cut it.

I spoke to one of my developer friends, and came up with some ideas on how to better construct the database and the code that runs it.  So I set on my way to rebuilding the system.  The sheer volume of information stored in one character sheet, I came to find out, was even more massive than I originally realized, and that is without some other fairly important things (i.e. spell lists).

Part of the thing that is taking so terribly long in getting the new version of TTORP running is building the upgrade that will convert the existing character sheet data.  Since there was nothing in place to make sure that the numeric values were actually numeric (among other things), more and more logic had to be added to cope with it.  Some sheets didn't even have all the required data on them!

Anyway, the upgrade script appears to be complete.  I can't guarantee that it will be 100% accurate, so there will definitely need to be some double-checking (I'll setup a temporary site that runs the old version, for comparison) and manual updating.

After converting all the data, I had to get it into the webpage.  Finally, that part is (or mostly is) complete.  There are a few miscellaneous automatic calculations to be made, along with a couple of fields that should be stored (like experience stuff), but that'll come; I may leave it for a future upgrade, just to get this one "out the door."  Here's what is left (I'll try to keep this updated):

• sending updates via AJAX
• handling automatic update notifications (via AJAX response)
• ensuring all the stuff that was automatically updated actually updates (via AJAX; everything actually updates properly, but the page might not reflect that until it is reloaded)
• adding new records (i.e. skills, weapons, armor, gear, & special abilities; this is stored differently now, there isn't any "padding"/empty fields)
• re-sorting lists (i.e. skills, weapons, armor, gear, special abilities) after new records added

So there's still plenty to do.  I'm not really sure how long it will take, and there's the consideration of how much time I can set aside to work on it (not to mention ambition or lack thereof).

There's more than one kind of slash key on a computer! 

Just because you open up your "My Computer" icon, double-click on your "C" drive, and see that the path has backslashe does NOT mean that everything that resembles a slanted line is a backslash!  If you are ever on the phone with me and utter the word "backslash" when referring to a URL in your browser, I will hunt you down and BACKSLASH YOU.  Well, unless you're family, then you've got a little bit of wiggle room...

Warning: compulsory fictitious dialogue below

The generic caller, whom we'll refer to as "John", calls my phone.  I answer, a bit hesitant to talk to someone after the day I've had.

"Hi, Slaughter, my operating system browser doesn't do what I want it to do, and you have to help me because you do computer stuff and I know you."

"Of course I do.  What is your problem?"

"I clicked on a thing and it won't go."

A bit of a frown crosses my face. "A thing? Can you be more specific?"

"My operating system says my credit card statement is illegal."

I hold the laughter back.  The explanation is like calling your monitor a modem.  "Riiiight... what were you doing when this happened?"

"I clicked the folder to bring up my credit card statement page."

Okay, so this is starting to make more sense.  Based on their lack of technical understanding, the "folder" is more likely the Firefox shortcut that I placed on their desktop.  The homepage was their "credit card" website, so this is making more sense.

"Then I clicked a thing and a screen comes up and my statement didn't download.  It said something about something being illegal.  Am I in trouble?"

"No, you're not in trouble.  What does that screen say, the one that was talking about something illegal?"

"What screen?  I closed it."

A bit of frustration is starting to build, but I hold it back.  All those installers and prompts from Microsoft Windows that one popular operating system have made the majority of people click-happy.  If there's a screen that they're not interested in, keep clicking that "next" or "continue" button in the lower-right corner until they're gone.  "Okay, I need you to go through everything you did before, but don't do anything when that screen appears that talks about illegal stuff."

"Okay.  I just logged in.  Now I click the 'my e-statements' button."

Again, I hold the laughter back.  He calls it a button, I call it a link.  you know, on a webpage.

"Now there's nothing, and I don't have my statement, and I don't know what to do."

Obviously, John is a bit anxious, so I need to calm him down a bit.  "Slow down, buddy, take a deep breath.  Now, where was that illegal screen you were talking about?"

"I don't know.  It isn't here anymore."

To hell with that.  It is obvious to me now that John's problem has far more to do with an inability to view this "e-statement" than anything about illegal stuff.  No three-letter acronym law agencies, no dire warnings, hell, not even an actual error.  Maybe there was an error in John's brain.  "Okay, well, let's not worry about that.  That button--is it really a button, or is it a link?"

"Oh, I guess it's a link from my operating system."

Now I've done it.  Correct one wrong thing, I gotta correct them all.  "Not your operating system John... what does the title of the window say?"

"It says capital one credit card dash online bill statement thing blah blah dash a big long number."

"Right, but at the end it says something, right?"

"Um... eight four three seven six eight five nine nine two four dash mozzarella fire sticks."

"Okay, wait... what?"

"It says mozerrella fire foxes."

"You mean Mozilla Firefox?"

"Right.  That's what I said."

This is where I spend thirty minutes trying to explain some fundamental differences.  You know, like what the operating system is versus an application that runs within the OS.  Or what about folders versus files?  Icons versus desktops?  Yeah, it gets a bit skewed...

"Okay, John, so what you're saying is that your PDF won't open when you download it.  Right?"

"Yes.  That's what I said at the beginning."

Now my face is getting red.  All that chatter trying to sum up these fundamental things that he'd gotten so fundamentally wrong in such a small space of time had really cut my fuse short.  Now he's lying.  For the sake of time, since I've now been on this call for about two hours longer than I wanted, I decided to let that one slide.  "Okay, just double-click that top thing in the downloads window, and tell me what happens."

"Okay.  I double-clicked it, and now has this browser window open."

I almost fell over.  Did he just use the proper term for something?  "Okay.  In that URL bar at the top, where your web addresses go, what does it say?"

"It says file semicolon backslash backslash see semicolon backslash doc you squiggly one backslash..."

Seriously.  I'd spent all day, and now he's not even trying.  Browser URL's don't use backslashes or semicolons, at least not until way after the protocol and the domain name.  There are three front slashes, know to the techie world proper simply as slashes.  He's actually seeing "file:///c:/docum~1/...", with more at the end, but I just stopped listening at this point.  And this is where my compulsory fictitious story ends.

You see, I really hate this thing that happens when a "lay-person" (pronounced by some as "idiot") gets on the phone.  They start qualifying things incorrectly--saying "backslash" instead of "slash"--and blatantly skipping things or lying.  They don't read important screens.  They don't give anything useful, and even start out the conversation by acting ridiculously idiotic, using phrases that are so blatantly vague as to boggle the mind; were they to actually listen to their words even a day later through a recorder or some such they wouldn't have a clue either.

But the expectation is there that anyone that "does computer stuff" will obviously just be able to fix it.  And yes, sometimes--or even oftentimes--when I fix a computer, it can be done really quickly in what would seem like magical means.  The reality is that it isn't that magical, and I explain what I'm doing so they have a chance to comprehend it.

These people get stupid on the phone when there's a "techie" on the other end and the subject is computers.  About 80% of the stuff they spout out is rubbish or speech patterns that only vaguely resemble human speech, and the other 20% is over-quantified or just plain wrong.

So here is what you do to keep me from backslashing you when you call:

1. If there's a slash character, don't say "backslash" or "forward slash", just say "slash"; it's not as specific, but being less specific is better than saying the wrong thing (imagine the difference if you were to transpose "cougar" with "striped cat" when referring to an animal attacking a human).
2. If there's a colon, don't try saying it is a semicolon.  I know there's only one pixel difference, but it is easier to say "colon" than "semicolon".
3. Only be as technical as I ask.
   1. if I ask what the title of the window is, don't use words like "operating system", "browser", or anything else that is not specifically in that window.
   2. If I ask what you clicked, just tell me what it was.  "A little picture of a red thing" is far more helpful than "I went to my microsoft office desktop operating system and opened my bank account": the first is vague, but the second one is just plain wrong.

(From XKCD, #292)

I've been working on an online D&D application for quite some time now, as you may have noticed. The first inception of the system was by no means perfect and was solely based on character sheets.  As time went on, I found that there were still many things that would be useful for me as the game master, and I realized immediately that it was all based around the character sheet; thus was born TTORP.

What is TTORP?

It's an acronym, and stands for Table-Top Role-Playing Game.  It is intended to (eventually) be a helper for "old school" game masters and players that appreciate the pen-and-paper style of role playing games.

The Evolution of TTORP

There's a lot of factors that slow down a traditional style game; my intention with this system is to have something that will automatically handle most of those complexities.  Filling out a character sheet largely involves adding up numbers based on other numbers (i.e. a skill modifier: ranks + misc modifier + ability modifier).  It can be very monotonous to set these things up, especially when one ends up writing the same number dozens and dozens of times (and leveling-up involves erasing and re-writing many numbers, along with adding them up again).  There's lots of room for human error, and it is a very frustrating (and all-to-common) experience to have a game suddenly stop (often and the best parts) because some number sounds like it is calculated wrong; since there's no history to show how that number became the way it was (i.e. why the character has a +13 misc modifier for a given skill), it devolves into going through figuring it out level-by-level.  Ugh.

So I wanted to build a system that could turn all that manual stuff into something more automatic: update an ability modifier, and all the dependent items get updated immediately; add ranks to a skill and the total modifier gets updated too. Now all that boring, monotonous, frustrating stuff has suddenly become fast and automatic.  Now updating stats and leveling has changed from an hours-long process of making sure all those numbers get updated into a few minutes, mostly involving the fun stuff: looking up new feats, figuring out where to put skill ranks, and the other stuff that makes traditional games fun.

The Future of TTORP

As I stated before, I realized there were things that were missing.  A character sheet is important, but it is only the basic part of a traditional game.  A system that shows the game master all the important stats for his players while the game is going.  No more spending an hour writing up a big sheet of paper to copy these things, only to have to recreate it for the next game.  This, of course, is all based on the information from a character sheet.

But there's another, more important piece still missing.  In a game that involves a lot of battles, keeping track of the order of events is very important, not to mention horribly time-consuming and frustrating.  And when something happens out of order, or the order changes, then even more time is taken to rectify the problem.  For me, more often than not, I just run the whole battle "by the elbows" (pulling stuff from so far up my @ss that... well, you get the picture).  It becomes a frustrating mix of trying to keep the pace going while still doing things by the rules that make it possible.

A New Version in the Works...

I've been working on updating the existing version for quite some time now.  The old system is based on a very simple database design.  Initially it was built to be very flexible, but it became far too large far too fast.  A single character sheet quickly became hundreds of generic records, each corresponding to a single input box on a massive form.

So this new version has a more complex and robust database layout.  It isn't as flexible, but makes handling changes far easier.  In addition, I am building the new backend through unit testing: instead of writing it and finding bugs later, I'm running each component through a massive series of tests to make sure it does what it is supposed to do; currently the system has nearly 4,000 tests to make sure everything works as expected, and I'm expecting that to skyrocket to around 15,000 tests to make sure the fewest possible bugs remain.

This new version, like the current one, is focused on character sheets--again, that is the basis for every other system.  All the updates will be done through AJAX, so it will feel more like a web application and less like a web page, i.e. "Web 2.0"--the current system uses AJAX, but is much less stable and far more prone to errors.

Stay Tuned!

More updates are on the way!  As the new system nears completion, I'll be needing some BETA testers to find and fix as many bugs as possible.  What we'll be doing:

• Creating new characters from scratch
• Leveling characters

We'll be looking to ensure that:

• changes automatically update all the appropriate fields
• calculations are all correct
• everything is saved correctly

Probably other stuff, too.  I'll try to keep this page updated, or at least link new articles to this one and vice-versa.  Stay tuned!

I've been working on some stuff for my website in my spare time, and every once in a while the damn website craps out (on my test machine).  On one of those occassions where I cared enough to figure out why--versus refreshing the page over & over until it finally works again--I find this stupid message in the web server logs:

Canary mismatch on efree()

Seriously.  That is the worst f#@!ing error I've every seen.  And probably the most annoying.

This now being the third occassion, I Googled for an answer.  It was a "patch" for PHP to make it "more secure".   If nobody can use it, then it's more secure by default, right?  You know... make a car so secure nobody can get in, even the owner?  Throw some barbed wire round it, hook it up to 1.21 giggawatts of power, install the facemelter 3000 in case they get past that, and a healthy amount of C-4 under the seat just in case?  THAT'S SECURE!

I read an article that showed me how to fix it.  Probably the most insightful part of the article (paraphrased): "... it was written to handle bad code, but I concentrate on writing good code..."  Exactly.   There are so many poorly-written PHP applications out there now that PHP has to protect the server from the programmers!

"What the hell is explosivo," you ask?  It's a nickname for a fighter in Fight Night 2004 that I occassionally play on my original Xbox.

This is the second part of a short story.  If you haven't already, please read the first part.

 

John brushed past him, calmly sliding his hand into Alexandra’s death-grip in place of Greg’s. “I’m not leaving.” A tear slid down his cheek from the pain as every bone in his hand threatened to shatter under the pressure. “You wouldn’t leave me in this situation.” 

Greg shook his head. “I know I can’t change your mind, and I know that I can’t possibly do this without you…” He sighed in frustration as he turned to the other man in the room. “Doc, please, you have to get out while…”

“What, and tell my wife I ran like a coward, right when you needed my help the most? Abandon the man that saved my life more times than I’d care to mention?” Doc shook his head, almost mocking Greg. “I think not. Go take care of them. I’m going to deliver this baby.”

A lump formed in his throat as he grinned at them. Such fierce loyalty. “Thank you… thank you both…” He rushed out of the bedroom and stopped at the front door, taking a moment to compose himself. He never asked for any of this. Such a good life, wonderful friends and family, a beautiful wife… it felt like he was blessed. Felt like this moment alone could balance the scales against all the bad that he’d ever been through.

He grabbed his pair of swords that hung from a hook just beside the door. He’d sworn a long time ago that he would never again use them. He’d forsaken his warrior days for the life of a simple farmer… after Captain Dorill had left, he reluctantly pulled them from storage, praying the soldiers would somehow disappear, and things could return to the way they had been…

Greg opened the door, quickly realizing there was no escape from this fate as he gazed upon the army. Captain Dorill stood before him again, this time more than a dozen yards back, staring at him with an cocksure grin. Greg stepped out from beneath the overhang of the deck, into the fading sunlight, faking a confident grin.

“Gregory Thraxan Deltravian! By order of his Majesty, King Xavier, you will drop your weapons and comply!” Captain Dorill shouted his words loudly, so all the troops could hear his courage at their overwhelming advantage.

As Greg opened his mouth to speak, he heard the familiar whistle of an arrow flying through the air, piercing left shoulder. He stared at it for a moment in bewilderment, watching his shirt change from light tan into a bright crimson. He pulled the arrow out, tearing muscle and tendons the whole way, not remembering exactly how to deal with the situation.

He held the arrow in his hands, stared at the flesh on the barbed arrowhead, shocked at the sight of his own blood. Deep within the bowels of his soul, an old anger shook itself free of its bonds, squeezing his adrenal gland. His face warmed. His eyes became bloodshot. His lips curled into an evil smile.

Thrax looked upon the army, feeling his deep-seated hatred of Xavier rising to the surface, removing any possibility of negotiation. They weren’t interested in compliance. Xavier was even less interested: he just wanted Thrax out of the way for some petty squabble over a woman those many decades ago. Thrax realized he would never be rid of this burden by running. And they would not take his family from him again. Not this time. Not so close to the fulfillment of his dream of fatherhood and ultimate happiness.

The arrow snapped into twigs as his anger reached the surface. His breathing became erratic as his breathing became like that of an animal backed into a corner. He threw his hair back and let out a terrible cry of passionate fury. “This day, you have made your choice… to follow a TYRANT instead of what you know is right.” In the blink of an eye, he’d crossed the distance between them, wrapping his fingers around the captain’s throat, squeezing tight enough to make the man’s face turn blue. “And this day you will not live to regret it.”

Thrax poured his anger upon the man. A grotesque crushing noise ensued, as the force of his rage shattered Captain Dorill’s spine, as skin and blood squeezed out through his fingers like a pile of clay. He dropped the corpse, its head swiveling like a bobble head, and he turned his rage on the bewildered army.

The nearby soldiers fumbled for their swords, their eyes bulging, unable to believe the sight they beheld. A wave of energy hit the closest of them, their bodies erupting into clouds of dirty ash, like remnants of burned paper.

Thrax’s swords unsheathed with blinding speed, revealing their true form. The sword at his left hand shimmered like the surface of a pool, reflecting the light of the electricity that enveloped the entire sword and a portion of his arm. The other had a blade that had a dull, cloudy look, like it reflected—or maybe contained—the clouds of a vicious thunderstorm, a dark vapor drifting from it.

Like the blades of a meat grinder liberated from their prison, Thrax cut a swath of blood and guts through the center of the terrified troops, unleashing a wrath few would ever see… and even fewer would ever live to tell about.

Thrax dripped with blood as he began to make his way back to his house through the unprepared mass of grunts. His appearance was nothing less than something out of a horrific nightmare: a mountain of a man, whose biceps rippled with the lean muscle of a wild animal, and the face of a creature thankfully forgotten at dawn, drenched in the blood of countless victims.

He ripped his way out of the confused horde with rarely a blade deflected. As he rushed toward the house to cover the door, he saw the troops standing on the roof. They held torches, preparing to burn his house to the ground, not caring of the occupants. His body convulsed as another burst of hate-filled adrenaline surged through him. His flung his swords at the attackers, hitting one on either end, encompassing the whole lot in an awe-inspiring display of electricity and sonic fury.

As Thrax turned, he quickly discovered that the troops had begun to recover from their confusion. The ranks closest to his house had raised their shields, unsheathed their swords, and appeared to be moments away from rushing him. A dozen fireballs shot from his hand with a thought, destroying several dozen of the men, scattering the rest.

 

 

Please let me know if you liked it (contact me via email or through facebook).

 

This is a short story based on one of the characters from the novel I'm working on (actually, I'm working on several, but this one is the most developed).  For those of you who have read the (unfinished) novel, played any games based on it, or heard me tell stories about it, don't worry: this does not contain any spoilers (though it might give you some interesting insights into the character.

 

Gregory smiled as his wife took breaths like a repeating crossbow: she was giving birth to their first child. It seemed everything was finally going his way, like all the terrible things from his past were finally being balanced-out.

“Greg?” John touched the shoulder. “There’s some soldiers outside… they want to talk to you. I couldn’t get them to leave.”

Gregory dropped his head for a moment, knowing what was to come, remembering how these things had played out in the past. They weren’t just here to talk. Somehow, that terrible “king” Xavier had found him, and for some unknown reason still sought vengeance for crimes against him. Crimes that weren’t crimes at all.

“Thanks, John. Stay here with Alexandra. I’ll be right back.” He said it without turning, without trying to make eye contact, so as to avoid letting on that he very well might not be coming back.

He opened the front door. Standing on the porch was a man clad in heavy armor, his back to Greg, looking out over his half-dozen grunts.

The man turned, gave a facetious look of surprise at Gregory’s towering figure, and cleared his throat. “My name is Captain Dorril. I am here on behalf of his majesty, King Xavier. I’m under orders to…”

Gregory smiled as he stopped the man, holding his forefinger over his pursed lips, making the “shh” noise. “No. He is not majestic. He is not my king. Now please leave.”

The man drew in a breath, aghast at the patronizing interjection. “Sir! You will stand down now, and submit to his Highness.” He stepped back, grasping the sheathed sword at his side. “I have orders to bring you to his castle, by whatever means necessary. Don’t let this end in bloodshed.”

Gregory stood up, a full seven and a half feet, and shook his head very slightly. “Do you really think these men are willing to fight for you? Or even die for you?” He pointed behind the captain.

Captain Dorill smiled… the expression quickly changed to one of horror as he realized that only one of his men was still there. “Where did…”

Gregory stopped him. “Do you even know how many came with?” He moved his hand slightly, and there were a hundred soldiers. “Not that many…” with another motion, and the army disappeared. “Or, maybe they weren’t even soldiers…” Another wave, and there were a half-dozen rats scurrying about in the field instead of the men. “Or maybe you were right.” He flicked his fingers at the field, and the six soldiers appeared again, as though they had never left.

Grasping his shoulder, he walked in a half-circle, standing where Captain Dorill had previously stood. “Weren’t you ever taught to never underestimate your enemy? To prepare for an encounter instead of blindly going into the enemy’s camp, assuming that your superior numbers will be enough?” Gregory laughed light-heartedly in the Captain’s face. “There will be no prisoners today. And the only ones that might yet leave this place are you and your soldiers.”

The captain stood for a moment, feeling a bit strange, still in awe of what he’d just experienced. He quickly freed his sword from it’s sheath and held it to Gregory’s throat. “I will not go back empty-handed. You will relent!”

Gregory smiled, much to the man’s chagrin, calmly stating, “Be careful. For the next throat you slit might just be your own.”

Captain Dorill pushed a bit harder, opening his mouth to say something… then touched his own throat. He brought his fingers up to his face, and saw the impossible: he was bleeding, in the exact spot on Gregory’s throat to which his sword pressed. “Your tricks do not scare me. And his highness said to bring you dead or…” His words slipped away as the sword pressed into Gregory’s jugular, slicing the veins with his freshly-sharpened blade…

As Gregory ended the spell, the guard dropped his sword, blood rushing from the fresh self-inflicted wound. He knelt beside the fading captain, placing his mouth inches from his ear. “You should have listened to me.” With a wave of his hand, the flow of blood was staunched, and the glaze over the dying man’s eyes faded.

Greg turned to face the empty field, gazing upon the forms of the soldiers as they disappeared into the woods some distance away. “It seems your soldiers are a bit smarter than…” Before he could finish, the man stood and ran in the same direction as his troops, not even bothering to retrieve his sword.

John met him at the front door. “So, uh… does this mean I can call you Thrax again?”

Greg smiled. He’d almost forgotten that name. “Let’s hope not, Johnny.” He’d given up the name decades ago, sometime after he’d lost his first wife. “Let’s hope not, for all our sakes. If that name gets out, or if those soldiers come back—which I think they will, and in greater number—then there may yet be real bloodshed this night.” As the last of the words crossed his lips, he passed into the house, into the room where his pregnant wife had been holding in her screams of pain from labor.

Alexandra looked up at him, the pain momentarily fading from her expression, and a worried calmness washed over her. “What did those men want, honey?”

He shook his head, smiled, and softly let out his lie: “They were looking for somebody else… somebody that died a long, long time ago.”

She opened her mouth to call him on the fib, but instead let out a shriek as the pains came back. She grabbed his hand and squeezed with a strength few men could ever claim.

(hours pass, labor carries on…)

Greg suddenly raised his head, ignoring the crushing grip of his wife’s adrenaline-filled hand, as though he’d heard something. He stood, regarding John and the doctor, feeling the faint vibration of an encroaching army. “You both must leave. The soldiers are back.”

 

The second part will be forthcoming.  Sorry for the delay: my main server died, so I've been a bit busy restoring services on a different one (and setting up a better backup plan).  If you liked it or have any feedback, questions, etc., contact me on Facebook or contact me directly.

Read Part 2!

CrazedSanity.com is finally getting a new server!  I recently purchased a new server for my websites from one of my friends.  It isn't brand-new or anything, but it was actually manufactured in the last few years, and was actually built to be a server (as opposed to the desktop systems that I'd turned into servers).

The name of this post was originally going to be, "Goliath Lives", but I found out that the new server doesn't have 64-bit processors.  While it is still very fast, I just can't bring myself to dub it "Goliath", as that has been the name that I've chosen for the fastest server I can possibly get.  'Course, the server isn't a top-of-the-line anyway, as it isn't new & isn't chock-full of RAM, so I guess it really couldn't get that name anyway.

Anyhow, specs and pictures will show up in the coming days after I've had a chance to get it completely setup and running.  There's a battery of tests that I want to perform on it to make sure all the disks are good and whatnot.  But hey, the server is running!  Woot!

Do you remember the band "Men at Work"?  Well, they were sued for their song "Down Under" for stealing the "riff" of a song that was written nearly 40+ years earlier!  The sad part about the whole thing is that the lawsuit came 30 years later, and the person suing for the money is winning!

See the original article (or at least the one I found)...  the video is below if you're not interested in reading about it.

 

This was taken from: http://www.freesoftwaremagazine.com/columns/question_copyrights_minute_memes_challenge_copyright_rhetoric

 

 

Here's some important info I found about wind chill and how fast frostbite can set in (view the source CDC page):

Since there's a wind chill advisory today saying it will get down to -45 (Farenheit), I thought it was interesting.  That means frostbite could set in after just 10 minutes.  See also my post about converting to metric: "Measuring How Cold It Is In ND".

Pay particular attention to the top left "Temperature" box: which applies for -26c?  And, more importantly, does that take into account the wind chill factor?

(from XKCD -- http://xkcd.com/526/)

(Asking me how to print this page is grounds for terminating your PC, amongst other things)

From XKCD -- http://xkcd.com/627/

I saw this and had to share, in case you missed the story:

 

Update: I wrote this in two parts, and found it to be quite disjointed after reading it myself.  I have revised it.

The Craptasmic Craptasm

Being a geek, I've seen many outdated PC's.  WIndows 98, Windows 95, even (*gasp*) Windows 3.11.  Maybe it holds vital tax records from the days of yore, some mystical program that won't run on anything but that computer--the damnable floppy was dropped onto a subwoofer, and it was apparently the only copy in existence--or its just used for the kids.

In my case it was the latter, and my duty--and point of this story--was to replace it with something more useful.

The old system was an HP 233Mhz craptasm with a whopping 190 megs of RAM and a whole 4 gig hard drive (~91% full mind you).  It had a sound card, even USB with an external DVD drive, and a terrible old monitor that was lucky to be 12" (I think the viewable area was probably more along the lines of 8").

I've got all kinds of spare stuff laying around: hard drives, cases, CD drives, sound cards... everything needed to build a computer.  Not a fast one by today's standards, but definitely better quality than the one in use.

A Plan Is Formulated...

All of my little brothers and sisters have used Linux on my laptop, and they don't mind it.  In fact, sometimes they've indicated that they like it better than... er... that other operating system.  So building a Linux system would be worthwhile... but they probably still want to be able to play their games on Windows.  I'd love to say that I could get them all to play directly under Linux, but that's a load of turd.  And I am definitely not installing Windows on anything if I can help it.  I don't do Windows.

And thus my journey to build a "new" computer for them begins.

Execution of the Plan...  Sorda.

At this point, I have decided to build them a new computer with Linux.  To ensure they can still play their games and such, I will use some geek fairy-dust and make their Windows computer into a virtual machine.  This way, they can fire up the computer and play games, and if they want to play something in Windows, they can just start their virtual computer.  Click a button and watch Windows load in--ironically--another window.

Well, I've got an old computer case from my wife's old Gateway desktop system.  It doesn't have a hard drive, but it has pretty much everything else--video, sound, network, cdrom, power--so I've got most of it covered.  An old Compaq laying around holds the hard drive, and a 20 gig at that (5 times more space than their current drive).  Ubuntu Linux will be the core system, which will require a fair amount of space, especially after installing all the games they need.

So what is left besides putting it together, you ask?  Well, there's that small issue of making their computer virtual.  And that's supposed to be the easy part...

The Data, Boss, The DATA!

 With the computer mostly taken care of, it is time to get a copy of their hard drive.  I've got all kinds of the fairy dust needed to get an image of the drive (an exact duplicate of their data), but getting to it is a beast.  As I said before, it was a big pile of craptasmic craptasm with a slight smell of poop.  Yeah, it was that friggin' awesome.

Being an old machine, I was lucky enough for it to have a USB port.  After convincing the family to abandon their computer room, I dropped a bootable Linux disc in the drive and fired it up... after waiting a full five minutes beyond my available patience threshold, I was greeted with a blank screen.  No disc activity.  Lights on the keyboard did nothing.  "Oh, crap," I said under my breath.

So I come back with the new computer.  With my Cloak of PC Hiding +5, I stealthily sneaked (snuck?) the new system in.  Minutes and minutes of ripping things apart and moving cords later, I have both drives in the new computer.  Boot the new computer with the same bootable CD and I'm blessedly at the screen of Linux-filled geekdom.  Type command, watch data fly from the old drive to the new drive.  Waiting... waiting... waiting...  still not done?  Waiting... waiting... waiting...  WTF?  My five minutes of patience expended, I fire up my laptop and start playing an intoxicating game of Mah Jong.  For two hours.

Input/Output Error while...

"What?!?"   Take my Bond-like watch from ThinkGeek.com off, plug into the system, start copying to my watch.  Obviously, the drive I used was bad.  Waiting... waiting... waiting... my limited patience once again expired, I pulled up another game.  About two more hours later, I get another input/output error.

Bring Craptasm home, install Ubuntu 8.10 on "new" computer with bigger hard drive.  Install better data recovery tool, dd_rescue, to pull data from the drive.  About 45 minutes later, it completed.  The real kicker?  This image was just about 1 megabyte bigger than the previous (broken) image.  Finally, the data!

I Don't Do Windows

I installed a magical piece of virtualization software, VMware Player, gave the machine two hard drives, and booted it from a Linux bootable disc.  Copy data to secondary drive from the real computer to a file on the secondary drive of the virtual computer (which now I realize was a time-waisting maneuver).  Wait for an hour.  Copy data from secodary drive directly to the primary drive.  Wait for an hour.  Done!

Now it was time to get the virtual machine running... and if any of you have tried to move a hard drive with Windows from an old computer to a new one (or even just a different one), you'll know just how painful of a process I was getting myself into.

Boot up the virtual machine without the cd, after having deleted the second virtual drive (which was no longer needed).  For the first time in a very long time, I was actually happy to see the Windows logo appear.  Sadly, it was quickly followed by what seemed like a hundred "New Hardware Found" screens. 

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

Yes, install the new hardware... search the computer for it... finish...

About an hour later (is that all?), it asked to reboot, so I did.  Windows screen, fifty more "New Hardware Found" screens, another reboot.  The same fifty "New Hardware Found" screens for a "PCI PCI-to-PCI Bridge" (that's a lot of PCI)... so I Googled for an hour to find a dozen things that didn't work, before I finally got something that worked: by disabling something in the virtual machine's config (okay, several somethings).   Reboot.  Finally, a desktop!

I went through and found some drivers for the old hardware so sound and display worked properly.  I removed about a half-dozen programs that were no longer needed, and everything seemed to work just fine.  I also went through and did a few updates to the OS and installed a couple of games the kids had played on my laptop.  Things were finally coming together.

Special Wrappings, and Putting Frankenstein Back Together

In order to have all the kids feel special, I decided to take the computer apart and put four pieces into separately wrapped gifts.   I wrapped (well, okay, my wife wrapped) the hard drive, video card, power supply, and CDROM drive into four separate boxes, one for each kid.  The tower itself was then wrapped in a bunch of different bits of wrapping paper and some cardboard around the edges to keep them from destroying the paper.

Come Christmas day, the kids opened their presents one at a time.  Each gave a dumbfounded look, though I could see my oldest little brother already had the solution.  I had them open the largest present together, revealing the computer dubbed "Frankenstein".

Afterward I helped my (eldest) little brother piece the whole beast together.  I told him what to do at each step so he got more familiar with working on computers--he had told me he wanted to know the stuff I did, so I fugured it was a good opportunity.  We spent an hour putting the thing together, and I taught him all about old computers and cabling, and we had a blast.

Finally, Google Chrome is available for Linux!  Woot!

I've been waiting for another decent browser for Linux for quite some time.  I love Firefox, and I don't foresee giving that up for quite some time, but Chrome is A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

I hope you all appreciate this.  It took me a long time to get them all from the email and uploaded.  Too funny to limit just to emails.

 

It's a video about how stupid people look when they wear their pants hanging down at mid-thigh or lower.  It is absolutely hillarious!

 

Facebook Link (requires login): "Tightie Whities [HQ]"

TeacherTube (anonymous): "Tightie Whities"

The Heart 

Please send this back but only if you mean it!

"Tomorrow morning," the surgeon began, 
"I'll open up your heart..."


"You'll find Jesus there," the boy
Interrupted.


The surgeon looked up, annoyed "I'll
Cut your heart open," he continued,
To see how much damage has been 
Done.."


"but when you open up my heart, you'll
Find Jesus in there," said the boy.


The surgeon looked to the parents, who
Sat quietly. "When I see how much
Damage has been done, I'll sew your 
Heart and chest back up, and I'll plan
What to do next."


"But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The
Bible says He lives there. The
Hymns all say He lives there. You'll
Find Him in my heart." 

The surgeon had had enough. "I'll tell
You what I'll find in your heart
I'll find damaged muscle, low blood
Supply, and weakened vessels.
And I'll find out if I can make you well..."

"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives 
There."

The surgeon left.

The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery,
"......damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle 
Degeneration.
No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: 
Painkillers and bed rest Prognosis: 
Here he paused, "death within one year."


He stopped the recorder, but there was
More to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud.
"Why did You do this? You've put 
Him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an 
Early death. Why?"

The Lord answered and said, "The boy,
My lamb, was not meant for your
Flock for long, for he is a part of My 
Flock, and will forever be
Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you
Cannot imagine.

His parents will one day join him here,
And they will know peace, and
My flock will continue to grow." 

The surgeon's tears were hot, but his
Anger was hotter. "You created that
Boy, and You created that heart. He'll
Be dead in months. Why?"

The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb,
Shall return to My flock, for He has 
Done his duty: I did not put My lamb
With your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb."
The surgeon wept... 
The surgeon sat
Beside the boy's bed; the boy's
Parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, "Did you cut 
Open
My heart?"

"Yes," said the surgeon.
"What did you find?" asked the boy.

"I found Jesus there," said the
Surgeon.

Author Unknown - Celebrate Jesus in 2009 

If you aren't ashamed to do this,
Please follow the directions
Listed below:

Jesus said, "If you are ashamed of me,
I will be ashamed of you before
My Father." 
I Am Not Ashamed. 
Pass this on only if 
You mean it. "Yes, I do Love God. He is my source of existence and
Savior. He keeps me functioning each
And everyday. Without Him, I will be
Nothing. Without him, I am nothing,
But with Him I can do all things through
Christ that strengthens me."
(Phil 4:13)

This is the simplest test. If you Love
God, and are not ashamed of all the
Marvelous things he has done for you.
Send this to ten people and the
Person who sent it to you..